Emma is 8. I distinctly remember being 8. I remember 3rd grade and everything before during and after entering so the fact that my first born is entering an age that my 40 year old self can recall frightens me. It also makes me so sentimental that here I am writing a post almost a year later from my last one I need to document my thoughts. Kindergarten with Emma was a learning experience. It was entry into a world I wasn’t ready for. Moms, kids, real life teachers, a serious playground, soccer that she hated, kids that were an adjustment. It was a lot. Entering first grade I thought I was ready. I was wrong. That too, was, a lot. It came with a different set of anxieties. Moms, kids, & teacher all yet again a learning experience. She thrived at some things, didn’t at others and as a parent you quite frankly worry. About. It. All. So here we enter 2nd grade with two teachers another entering Kindergartener (Maia) and more stress. And once again she did all the things she did before thrived at some things didn’t at others. Learned that some friendships are challenging others are easy and overall just try to be nice to everyone. What impresses me about Emma is her spunk. She’s sensitive but doesn’t let a lot get to her. She rolls with it all and smiles more than she frowns. She’s upbeat, always ready to go, and a personality in the room. She says what’s on her mind (both good and bad) out loud – sometimes loudly. She is a force. She’s one of a kind and I often say her heart is bigger than she is. So the night before her 8th birthday she informed me (no surprise) the bravest thing she’d done was cut her hair for cancer and it was also the best memory she had of being a seven year old. As a parent what more can you ask for? So we embark on year 8 together. Will enter 3rd grade with the highs and lows and prepare for another amazing year celebrating Emma and all of her trials and tribulations. As a parent I embrace all Emma has to offer and guide her through life with boundaries when needed and direction. She’s a great kid and she teaches me more than I teach her most days. Which is pretty amazing.

Well we did it. 20 plus adults, 7 kids 7 and under, three generations all embarked on a family vacation to a resort in Hilton Head and my hesitation upon the news that this was what we were about to do (as I’m a high stress, high anxiety in crowded situations) completely faded when we got here. I’ve said this before and truly believe it: we are in the sweet spot. We have a 5 and 7 year old that listen to everything word we say. They don’t talk back, they typically don’t cry and we don’t have meltdowns. We are past that so when others are seemingly in the presence of all of the above I finally get to take a breath and relish that those days are gone. I’m sure the future will bring other obstacles but as of right now we are in the clear. I’m not quite sure I’ll be able to eloquently describe the adventures in the comedic way it plays out in my mind but man is it all funny to me. The idea that each of these family members would fly, drive, and use any mode of transportation to get to see each other in one place at one time is refreshing. With so many busy schedules, so many kids, so many grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. it’s nice to know that everyone wants to make the effort to spend time with one another. There’s zero chance my side of the family would have made it past the first email of where to go without a fight let alone pack bags and actually travel to a destination to be together. You’d think the logistics of handling all of this would be a challenge. I mean there are days I struggle to get a family picture let alone a reservation for 30 people somewhere. But we all made it work.

Six of us flew from Boston to Savannah then piled into my first ever ride in a mini van (surprisingly it’s not as bad as I originally thought sorry to any minivan drivers but the stereotype of being that mom had me judging hard – but I must say the convenience of the mom bus was quite lovely) we landed around lunch time and did a quick drive through Wendy’s nothing like adding a chicken sandwich and fries to my mom bod for bikini wearing. The hour drive to Savannah got a little dicey at the end when we stopped to get sunscreen and goggles and a massive box of liquor. The kids were sick of traveling (and rightfully so) but priorities.

Day 1. Rousing success. Kids swam parents drank, grandparents hovered.

Dinner was pizza and wings. Ordered. Delivered. Devoured. Zero Drama.

Day 2. More of the same. I snuck in a spa treatment that made me feel like a celebrity. Kids played at the pool the entire day. Grandma and I made everyone PBJ fruit salad, and snacks. Kids crushed it no crying, one possible allergy issue (not to peanuts but to something) luckily there are a lot of doctors in this group and they didn’t seem worried so. More pool. Rest time. Kids dinner. Adult dinnner (and lots of drinks). Grandparents watched the kids my heart was full to see all kids in one room cuddled and huddled to watch shows and hang out together. How lucky. Zero Drama.

Day 3. The last full day is always the best but it’s also the most exhausting. The beach was perfect (minus the jelly fish) but by 2 pm I was sick of the sun, had sand in every crevasse and just felt over it. The kids were tired but powering through like champs. I was over the drinks portion so I stuck to water and carried on with the day and night. We all ate dinner out at a Mediterranean restaurant together. One long, loud, lovely dinner with live music. It was so special and sweet. We got back to the hotel in a bus. Made our final trip to the beach together in the dark. All was great until Ethan threw sand in Maia’s eyes which put an end to the fun real fast. It was bedtime anyway so we said our goodbyes and off to bed we went. Now wait for it — nothing like saving the best for last. We were sound asleep, pitch black room, woken to the piercing sound of the fire alarm. It was 6:30am so not crazy but in a super disoriented state we got the kids out. (For future I now I have a plan and never did before). We all (100s is people) emptied out into the parking lot and waited. Some kids crying. Others like mine asking questions while the fire men walked through. Rumor of a bagel. Wait for it…Uncle Mindher toasted his bagel (there were no toasters in the room) and set the fire alarm off. Nothing like ending with a Bhang. Get it? Can’t wait for next year!

I’ve decided as magical as I tend to make my children’s birthdays I secretly can’t stand that I’m one year closer to them growing. I’m emotionally dramatic when it comes to my kids. I get it. I don’t want to miss a moment of anything and I adore them. So on the eve of my daughter’s 7th birthday I cried tears. Messy ones. I’d strung the house in glittery garland, lined the stairs with happy birthday streamers, bought the balloons for her to wake up to and you name it lurked in a room in this house for her to be surprised and feel like the most special. (While the other child moped around angry that it was not her birthday – can’t win). Anyway, my sadness as my husband reminds me happens for every birthday as he rolled his eyes and ignored me. I know that’s his way of not wanting to admit he secretly was just as shook as I was that our daughter was already 7. She’s beautiful, and wonderful, and everything I dreamed she’d be at this age but I’m still a sobbing mess. Get it together right? Wrong. It ain’t happening. I’m nursing a cold, wallowing in my own self pity, and sobbing myself to sleep. But I woke up in all my glory and made my kid feel like she was the only person born on July 27 and the day belonged to her. I pumped her with chocolate chip pancakes, gave her glorious gifts, and topped it off with this. Please watch video in its entirety.

Parenthood changes everything. To describe the night that happened after that video is unexplainable. I will never top it. Everyone remembers their first concert. Mine was Lionel Richie (don’t judge) my husband was Michael Jackson (so cool). My kid is way cooler than either one of us with her dance moves, friends, and overall happiness. Wow we are lucky. After all, you only turn seven once right?

Through my kids eyes I see the world in such a different way. I cried hard yesterday. I cried because I can’t control what happens in my daughter’s school every day. I cried because at some point my very innocent happy 6 year old (and 4 year old) will come to the harsh realization that she is not always safe in school and that bluntly said kids get shot in school frequently. Both of my girls will have to understand that they need to be prepared if that should happen what will they do? How will they react and is their school well prepared for this nightmare? I have 16 years of this worry. I’ve been asked if I’m going to talk to my daughter about gun violence and the answer is no. I will not proactively try to explain to my 6 year old something I still can’t fully grasp. I will do what I can to protect her behind the scenes and if I’m unhappy with the the outcome then my next decision will come into play. We moved to Wellesley solely based on how great the public school system is. I’m finding that the education has far exceeded my expectation and the community of people I’ve grown to love are also a group that will stop at nothing to keep our kids safe if the administration doesn’t –I’m not saying it has gotten to this point I’m just saying watch out for us “mom bitches” (and dads) ready to go to protect our cubs. We are not messing around.

In the end we are all Parkland and the 25 other towns that went through this. It doesn’t matter how safe we think our town is. It’s not. It can happen to us I just hope all of our eyes remain open, aware, and ready. I know that for the next 16 years I will not stop worrying, wondering, and planning to make my daughters school as safe as it can be. I haven’t quite figured out the how but I’m not going to give up making my daughters feel safe. “Are we next” should never be a question any child should have to ask. No one should be next.

I hate to be Debbie downer here but I’m not into resolutions. I’m pretty sure in all my years I’ve never actually kept any so called resolution I’ve set out to dominate so I’m not doing it this year. Instead I’m continuing along my own path to be happy and healthy while not really changing much. I have healthy kids, a happy husband, a house that I love, family, friends, a job that makes me smile and so much to look forward to on the daily. So instead of trying something new or pushing myself to be someone I’m not I’m just going to keep doing me. Should I eat healthier? Maybe. Should I workout more? Maybe. Does it matter? No. The things I will try to do are always things I try to do. Like get off social media (nothing good comes from social stalking other people’s dramatically fun lives), drink water, workout 5 days a week for 30 minutes. That’s what I do and who I am. My overall outlook is not defined by some random “terms” that I won’t follow or strive to attain. In fact I’m annoyed by the January resolutioners because they take up space in my life for a full month then drop off back to normalcy in February. We all know this is true and I’m not upset or judging those that attempt a resolution but statistics show that maybe 8% follow through with what they set out to do on January 1. So January 1, 2018 you will find me home from a fun New Year’s Eve with friends on my couch in my fleece pants, playing with my girls, a lot happy and overall me for 2018. Happy (honest) New Year!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year culminating in the entire world joining together to start a new year! Really and truly I catapult myself into this month with so much joy I can’t stand myself at times. I get the energy to bake and cook and attend every festive function there possibly is. I love the scheduling ahead, the happiness around, the excuse to drink wine on a Tuesday because your decorating a wreath, the movies can we talk about the movies?, I love the snow, the fire, the tree, lights, food. You name it I love it but most importantly I’m finding this reinvented obsession because of my children. Their laughter and joy is contagious and being able to create life long traditions is as good as it gets. It’s all going by so fast and I love being able to do all the fun stuff we’ve been able to do. For starters we hit up a moana tea party where Maia became a star and landed herself a pic in the local paper that very same day we headed to the Nutcracker in BOSTON with friends and the next day hopped on a train ride to the North Pole! The following weekend we met santa as he flew in on his helicopter. We rounded out the month making cookies for santa, decorating gingerbread houses, making homemade ravioli together as a family for Christmas Day all the while wondering where Francisco the elf would land the next days! Christmas was better than expected with family exploding into each room and way too many toys and gifts that made the girls feel the magic and love. Nothing but love.

It’s that time of year. My yearly post that reminds us all that we are human and all make mistakes some way less forgivable than others. It’s Monday. Monday for whatever reason seems impossible EVERY week and today we had a handle on it. No really we did. Smooth sailing, on time, breakfast being devoured fruit being eaten. Vitamins check. Dressed appropriately. Snacks made lunches packed. Got to play a quick game of pirates On our way and out the door by 8:10. Out the door by 8:10. Or not. Where are my keys. Now you may or may not remember this post from a year ago…Monday How Dare You 8:12 I still can’t find my keys and the calls/texts to my husband are going unanswered. Insert panic mode and a quick text to a close neighbor friend with a frantic “can’t find my keys can you pick up emma” now this of course makes me panic even more because I’m now involving someone else that has a morning routine but of course she calmed me down with an “absolutely no problem leaving now!” (More about awesome neighbors/friends later). While I’m still frantically looking Raj casually calls and says “I don’t have them” now deep down inside I know he does so I search his closet, his coats, the office. Every place he has been. Maia insists we can just buy new keys and Emma insists we can’t just buy new keys Maia. They proceed to both decide with great enthusiasm that we can for sure just buy a new car instead. Obviously. Emma gets off to a school on time and I continue to search. Then I text Raj one more time.

He of course then knew to follow up with a phone call laughing about the scene and situation. #imnotlaughing. So here’s the deal we all make mistakes. Some way bigger than others and the best part about this a year later is that my girls will punish him tonight and I won’t have to say a word. I’ll let them do the talking. (And in a year I’ll have another blog post very similar)

I will openly admit I'm a stress case in a lot of ways. In things that I can't control or in "firsts" I overthink it to a point of no return. So about three months ago when Emma was at the dentist and he said she had two loose teeth and two growing in behind it I jumped into action. (I'm also afraid someday she will discover this blog so keep that in mind while reading — another bit of that overthinking problem I have). So yeah, I called up the tooth fairy reminding her that I was about to have a situation on my hands that I was stressed about so I'd need to get my hands on that special tooth case and be at the ready for any situation. After all this was going to be a big deal. First tooth in 6 years. Damn I remember when she was endlessly chewing on Sophie the giraffe in the grocery store and when I took it out I spotted two little white spots those same two teeth growing in! Man this is hard. So speed up to months of poking, prodding, pulling, pushing, a little crying, and a lot of stress with this tooth. Still nothing. I mean we ended school, started summer, kept pulling and the tooth just wasn't coming out. The teeth behind were coming in!! Still nope. In fairness I also wanted be sure I was completely ready for this situation. Like in no way could I be drinking rose if the tooth fairy was about to descend on my house or could it be when I had a stressful day coming up at work because if that tooth fairy woke up Emma well that would be an fng nightmare right? So the days continued to go on and finally when that thing was hanging by a thread Nana pulled it — and all day I stressed about how the night would go. I would have to let the tooth fairy know that Emma takes a 10 pm pee and not to do anything before the first bathroom break. I'd also have to be prepared that if the tooth fairy woke Emma up by accident she must be armed with appropriate answers. What a stressful job this fairy has.
So many questions rolled through my mind:
What note does she write? How long should it be? How much money is the tooth fairy giving out these days? Should this tooth go under the pillow or on the nightstand?

Settle Marcell this is not rocket science and she is not the first child to lose a tooth and she certainly wouldn't be the first kid to wake up finding the "tooth fairy" venturing into her room. It could all be explained. Easily. After all Mom's have answers for everything right Dad?

So the adventure began. Emma gladly went to bed with her very tiny tooth tucked in a very cool shiny tooth holder under her pillow and I waited. And stressed. And waited. Asking Raj too many unnecessary things that he casually ignored.

Then I went to work having the tooth fairy get $6 for the first tooth for our 6 year old. My reasoning was that the first tooth was pretty special. The $5 and $1 were glittered up and the fairy left an awesome note as well.

Much to my surprise the fairy nailed it and the very next morning around 6:30 am rather than come to our room we heard Emma get into bed with Maia to start telling and showing what the magical tooth fairy did. Leaving my heart so full. The very next day Emma turned 6. So her week was full of so much magic and today she got pierced ears (more on that later) and lost yet another tooth. Tooth fairy stress starts over tonight. I think she'll bring a silver dollar and a cool receipt! And tomorrow we will be two teeth less with a smile as big as you can imagine.

Today, I got up early to start the day so I could get ahead of it. I got myself ready in a quick fashion and proceeded to remind the girls to get themselves going. Emma is fine on her own but Maia still needs some help picking out clothes and getting dressed and even if she doesn’t NEED the help she still likes it. After that, it’s on to cramming everything in the morning before it’s school drop off and off to work I go. I made breakfast – eggs, toast, fruit, two waters on the table, two glasses of oj because the second both girls sit down they ask for everything. Yell up the stairs to let them know breakfast is ready and start on lunches.  One peanut butter and jelly, one ham and cheese with sides cutup. Snack for Emma I got creative and mixed a bunch of different snacks together in a bag to surprise her, put it all in the “EMMA B” marked snack bag.  Sat down with both girls to help them finish off their breakfast, grabbed their vitamins, and told them next up was hair. I’m not so good at hair so brushing and braids isn’t very ideal for me so I brushed through it sprayed the anti lice detangler spray and told them to get their socks and shoes on. Made sure Emma had her folder in her bag and Maia had her shoes on. Piled both girls into the car to drop Emma off at school and bring Maia back home until our nanny Jojo arrives so I can race to work while Jojo does Maia preschool dropoff. Damn that’s a lot to get done in one morning. Now here’s the catch – what if I told you this was NOT me, Marcell, but this was all done by Dad Raj. My point here is that often times I’m quick to think that I do it all and I don’t. The reality is I like doing it all. It’s a sense of self and this mother’s day while I’ll gladly take the bow as a mom because I am I also think it’s safe to thank my husband for his active role in this family. He’s not the dad that won’t jump in when I have to go to work early or get home late, in fact he’s the dad that will do it all. What prompted this outburst is I once again read a blog post about how dad’s don’t do enough and sure that might be true – each situation is different. I certainly can’t speak to what other’s go through but I can speak to what I go through. My husband wants to attend every parent teacher meeting, will jump at the ready to go to on a field trip, proudly takes my daughter to the multicultural event and has no trouble making sure both girls have everything fully packed for soccer, gymnastics, karate, ballet, swimming and the multitude of other things these girls are participating in. Raj will take them to each of these extracurricular activities not because he’s giving me a break (well, maybe sometimes) but because he genuinely wants to be there. I guess I think often times we are too quick to lump dads in the dad’s category and assume that some dad’s get enough credit and maybe they do. When it comes to my husband being a dad, or father of the year, I believe that he is both the best and it needs to be yelled out from the mountaintops. Does he drive me crazy sometimes? Yes. Do we see eye to eye all the time? Hell NO. But will he take our daughters to the doctor’s if they are sick and I’m at work? Yes he will and he knows where the doctor’s office is. We are a team and the things he doesn’t do are things I secretly want to. Those are the things that make me a mom. If he doesn’t read this that would be fine too because Raj doesn’t lack confidence (said with LOVE) but he does deserve a shout out here and there and not to be lumped into the category of “dad’s that don’t help”. For this mother’s day he deserves some recognition because without him I wouldn’t be able to be the mom that I am.